There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize