my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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