He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
