I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
