we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize