i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
