I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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