She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
