oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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