just tell him i said nine months
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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