speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
