what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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