also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
