i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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