There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
