I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
