you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
