I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i would punch a child for taco bell
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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