dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
