it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
