Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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