.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
