Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
