Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
