the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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