Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want her autograph on my taint
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
