Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
