So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
