Betty ford says i'm here all night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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