Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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