We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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