oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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