Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
