My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
