If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
