it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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