I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
