i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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