I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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