so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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