found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
