Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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