apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
