The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
