i permit you to call me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
