soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
