Already got asked if we're dating
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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