So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
