Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
