the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
