I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
