he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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