all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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