You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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