woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
