Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
