Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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