You're so nebulous sometimes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
