Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
