bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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