you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize