After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
