How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
