i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
whose ass print is on the piano?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
