i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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