I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
