Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
