My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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