u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize