i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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