my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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