even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
