her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
