I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
