How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I touched a dick in church today
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
