guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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