You can't motorboat a personality
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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